DOMA Dreams of a Southern Kid

I dont think people understand why I'm so passionate about the politics of being gay sometimes. Sure everyone I know thinks being gay -- or any minority for that matter -- means your life is automatically a cause, but no one ever stops and asks if it's deeper than that. For some LGBTQI people I know it's about the intrinsic right to equality and personal freedom that comes with being a citizen of a developed nation. Some gay/lesbian friends (because let's not even joke anything being passed comes close to helping the trans community [and WE'RE OKAY WITH THAT!] yet and that's a fucking shame.) have their relationships that were affected by DOMA or some other law similar that affected their rights to serve in the military, adopt children or be recognized as their partner's family so they picked up the cause. Now, I totally am down with all of those. Yes, we are guaranteed equality, should be recognized in our relationships and should be able to serve openly if we are willing to die for our country, but my heart is bursting over DOMA because the little boy in me was made so cynical so long ago that I never allowed myself to imagine I'd see any of this in my lifetime.

I come from the South. The Deep South. I never try to hide that fact or play it down. I'm Southern. You can hear it in my accent, tell it from my colloquialisms. I was taught the fear God and say yes ma'am and hold doors for ladies. I love my heritage and the nicest people I've known in my life were "Southern by the grace of God" (no shit, people still say that). I have no issue with this. It's who I am and where I come from. It's my family and my friends and when you call us hicks it pissed me off cuz honey I've lived a little bit of everywhere in these Unites States and from Poughkeepsie, New York to Yelm, Washington there are "hicks" in every state. I'm probably better educated than some of the "Yankees" I know, to be honest so it's quite a rude generalization. But I digress.

Because there is such a conservative atmosphere where I come from, and since I still came up in the tale end before momentum for LGB rights had begun to advance so quickly, missing the current upswing by about 2 years, I didn't see any of the goodness in my teenage years. I was shunned by classmates, got gun threats in school for standing up for myself against hate speech, and when I was sexually abused by a classmate it went unnoticed because people just arent comfortable with such things. Then my family found out I was gay and I was set aside, quickly and with quite a bang. This was all part of the experience though. This was being gay, especially in the South. What else was I supposed to expect? And you know what, NONE OF IT surprised me. I can't remember honestly being shocked at one point during any of those events. I went through it all with a cool, hard knowledge that this was how my life was always going to be so if I just bit the bullet and survived then I could one day move somewhere more accepting and consider these things stepping stones to a better tomorrow.

Well, I didn't do that. I dated other Southern guys, always ones about as damaged, if not more damaged, than me. I let their closet and their issues hold my life stagnant because, again, this was the plight of the Southern homosexual who was self-loathing and only dated closet cases and men who wouldn't hold your hand in public because who'd wanna hold hands in public and have people think you're queer?! Not me, no way.

So I let it make me bitter. And I'm not ashamed to admit it. Sometimes we do things to help us survive, but sometimes we're just cynical. Some of my relationship issues stem from not wanting to be as desperate and clingy as my father, nor wanting to find my validation in my relationships with other men like my mother. It's not all being gay.

And I don't for one minute think that being gay isn't one of the most amazing parts of my life. It has made me resilient and a fucking fighter and a survivor and made me different and stronger.

It was the lack of a dream or for hope of that Happily Ever After that made me cynical. I tried not to dream. Who wants to get their hopes up. Then holy shit I moved to a state that legalized gay marriage... IN MY LIFETIME...and I'm only in my early 20s! WTF?! Is this real? That's a long way from hiding who I am so I don't get hung by my testicles in the woods to being able to walk into a courthouse and sign papers declaring me someone's husband in front of God and everyone in my State.

But then there's the couples who were still being discriminated against because of DOMA and I made that the next thing to make me cynical. Okay, so now I won't date, I won't try to find someone because with my luck I'd find a partner from another country and we'd end up star crossed lovers in the middle of a horrible immigration dispute where we're work for years and still lose everything. (my cynicism knows no bounds) Again, I dared not hope that even a semblance of full equality may exist. Because maybe if it did, those things I'd grown up hardwired, that my family had been hardwired with, would have cost me that family and a happy childhood for nothing.

Eh, so now I look at it a little less dramatically and see, HOLY SHIT...I've wasted so much time. I, like so many little Southern boys who grew up playing on dirt roads and learned to drive in their grandaddy's pasture never dared dream I'd ever have the ability to have a REAL, legal fairy tale wedding. I grew up in the age of rich gays running to Vermont for commitment ceremonies that were considered a joke from an episode of Will & Grace to the people sitting in the pews of the Tri-County Baptist Church where my family attended.

It's possible. For some reason I got lost in thinking that was so impossible to dream about while I'm well-known for believing other things are so incredibly possible that now I feel silly. Yeah, I have mommy issues and I've had shitty relationships, but who hasn't? It's like... this moment of clarity occurred as we drew nearer this court decision and I realized either way that I can have that dream wedding. No one is guaranteed the happy ever after, but it's a possibility. And maybe, just maybe it's time to stop being trapped under what being gay meant I was limited to when I was growing up where people didn't understand homosexuality and better than they understood why boys needed to pass 8th grade if they could play football better than anybody in the county.

So I apologize to anyone I brought down with my jaded behavior. It was really more out of fear in believing I could have something, that we all could have something this simple yet this big... but it's why I was always there fighting for it. I guess I'd just shored up my defenses for the life-long fight many other activists have had on this front and didn't stop to ready myself for the day it actually happened.

So yeah, this means alot to me. My heart is overjoyed, overwhelmed. I thank everyone who got out there and marched and fought. I think I will be in shock for a while, but I'll keep going. There's still much to be done. For the kids who are being bullied, for the trans woman who can't use the right bathroom, for the couple who got beat for kissing in the park, for the man who was raped and due to masculine culture was shamed out of reporting his attacker there's still so much to do. But I won't let that fear, that lack of hope, hold me back any more. So yes, this was a very important day for me.

It's a new day and we did it. And I've never been so proud. And hey, all you Southern boys out there, what do you want your prince charming to wear to your wedding? I'm thinking khakis, linen shirts and bare feet on a beach. (okay so there's a little part of me that still feels silly thinking it, but they call that social conditioning so sue me) I may never be comfortable holding hands in public. But it's one step at a time, huh?

Congrats to everyone. This was a win for America. And despite how sad I am for my family and how wrong they were about me and my "lifestyle", that they let something so trivial come between us, this was a win for ME and my heart and I never realized just how important it was until I broke down at the news this morning, and I have no shame in admitting it.

So thanks. Thankyou thankyou thankyou SCOTUS for the right decision. And thankyou America for being my home. It took a while, but we're getting it right.

Peace, Love & PRIDE
<3kaderade

Pride Month and Projects Galore

Hey guys!

I'm super stoked. So many good things going on these days. I'm gonna burst with all these feels. Oh em gee! Of course I'm all giddy cuz it's pride month and I've been volunteering for everything under the Pacific Northwest sun. Yours truly gets to wrangle shirtless boys all morning at the pride parade for Seattle Out & Proud. It may sound like a chore...I assure you, it is not. ;)

Anywho...

So first we have Don't Trust the Cut dropping in 2 effing weeks! I'm. So. Excited. *does the Jessie Spano freak out version of I'm So Excited* Now that I'm done with that.... I finished some serious dragon-writing throw-down fuck that manuscript hard and put it away DONE writing. 3 wks, 63k words and Trouble & the Wallflower is submitted to the publisher. *flails* I really am so stoked for y'all to meet Gavin and Davy. Also in the next couple months my weekly serial Room 1224 will begin (August 10) and Wide Awake is being re-released on August 6th with a re-edit, extra content AND a new cover by my bestie (and the best cover artist EVAH!) L.C. Chase (who did the cover for Stars and is pretty much doing every cover of mine ever from this point on......except DTtC cuz they didn't let me pick that artist but Dar Albert was fabulous so I digress.) Oh yeah. Wide Awake will be available in print on that day, as well. *happy dance*

By then we'll be making out way *THIS* much closer to my Gay Romance Northwest Meet-up,  Atlanta Pride (hometown, represent!) and GayRomLit retreat. I'm. So. Stoked. Been getting my swag ready for them all and hearing from alot of readers that I'm so excited to meet! Y'all have been so rad!

Which brings me to my next order of business. I have rolled right along into my next manuscript. Another day another gay, they say. (he he he) So I thought since I'm in a fantabulous fucking mood I'd share the picspiration and blurb for this novella I'm gonna hammer out in the weeks to come. I'm really excited about this one. I got a thing for bad boys and goddammit does Gianni fit that bill. I present to you... Gangster Country.

Logan Marshall

Gianni Rodrigues

Gangster Country by Kade Boehme

Logan Marshall moves to New York to be a social worker where he feels he's needed most. Logan's always had it good. His Daddy is a preacher, sure, but he preaches a laid back, tolerant congregation who accepted Logan's sexuality gracefully.  He's from a ranch in nowhere, Texas, which makes him a hot ticket in the clubs with his tight, work strengthened body and his cute accent. He's out of his element in New York, not looking for Mr. Right Now but Mr. Right. Until he meet's the hottest guy he's ever seen. Gianni is no good and that's a challenge. But Logan's up for a challenge.

Gianni Rodriguez grew up in Brooklyn. Nothing could be further from the way he was raised than innocent, good hearted Logan was. Gianni is fascinated that people like Logan even exist. And parents that not only are God-fearing, but also accepting?

Gianni has been carrying pot for his older brother, Miguel, since he could cross the street without someone holding his hands, and carrying a gun in his waisteband since he was old enough to shoot without making his arm feel like jelly. There's nothing accepting about the streets he roams. His Mexican father would sooner have a murderer for a son than a faggot and his Italian mother goes to confession if she accidentally flips the channel to an episode of Jerry Springer.

No. There's no acceptance for Gianni. Not even from his friends. As second in command of Los Cuervos, his brother's not-so-merry band of drug runners and pimps, Gianni's life would be in serious jeopardy if anyone ever knew the truth. That's why his growing attraction for Logan is a bad thing.

Logan is called in his capacity as a case worker on one of the Los Cuervos's suppliers' family and when he decides the children should be removed from the home, Gianni is the one called in to take care of the little problem. When Gianni realizes his mark is Logan all he can think to do is hide him and fast, risking everything, even his family for a hot piece of ass. One that may not even want him once he realizes what a monster the man he's been sleeping with really is. Could Logan be Gianni's reason to go straight? Or will they both go straight to an unmarked grave in the Poconos?    

 Yay! I hope that whet your appetite for more. I'm having wayyyy too much fun writing these guys' smexy times. ;) 

Don't forget Don't Trust the Cut is out July 2 at LooseId. And thank you guys for giving me the ability to do what I love. Y'all are the fucking bestest and I hope I keep making y'all as happy as y'all make me!

Peace, Love and Motherfucking PRIDE

<3kaderade

What's Up?

I'm still suckishly horrible at blogging. I try and I try but I still can find 3rd graders who write more interesting posts than me. *sigh* Regardless, I thought I'd at least let everyone know what's new with me.

I'm almost finished with Trouble & the Wallflower, Book 1 in the Market Boys series. I'm super excited! :)
I was a slacker and went down to Portland for the weekend where I had dinner with Anne Tenino, Amelia Gormley, Devon Rhodes and Ethan Stone. Those guys were awesome. And the shenanigans were pretty badass, I must say. Hard to beat naked bicyclists and driving on train tracks.... But I digress...

So I squeed about it and posted enough that I'm sure everyone knows by now that I got the cover art for my novel Don't Trust the Cut which drops July 2 from LooseId.

That brings me to my next topic: Blog Stops. I'll be dropping by the blogs of some good friends with eBook giveaways and guest blogs for Don't Trust the Cut, even a new Tucker and Jesse scene will be popping up. So thanks to these guys for having me on and here's the list.

July 1 - Joyfully Jay
July 2 - Sinfully Sexy Books
July 3 - Babes in Boyland
July 5 - World of Diversity

If any more come up, I'll be sure to update everyone. Thanks again to those guys for having me.

Don't forget to come say howdy if you're gonna be at Seattle Pride Picnic or at the Pride parade. I'll be volunteering for both and would be tickled pink to see y'all. (It won't be hard to find me since I'll be tweeting my info like I'm begging for stalkers [maybe I am but that's neither here nor there])

So that's about it for this week.

Holla!
<3k